bulk chips

Dear tom,

Like 5 cent candies, I've found a way to answer the age old question, "what should I eat now that I'm too stoned to move?"

I am going to start rallying people together to create high demand to buy chips in bulk. This way several flavours can be combined into one action-packed-snack-attack. Where else can you get cheetoes, ketchup chips and ruffles sour cream and onion? Where else will all your deep-fried potato fantasies come true? Nowhere ! At least, not unless my idea gets marketed.

love,

Kristen

mac and ed hardy

Dear tom,

I heard someone say the only Microsoft product that won't suck will be the Microsoft vacuum. I think mac users go out of their way to be mean.

People should boycott macs like they boycott ed hardy; not because of the fault of the product but because owning the product stereotypes you as being a complete condescending shit.

With that being said, I might want a Mac for my next laptop since mine always crashes and my mom receive ed hardy perfume from one of her friends. Hypocrisy is beautiful.

Love,

kristen

school supplies

Dear tom,

Why don't they make thicker pens with white out rolls at the ends so we can have the comforts of erasing while using ink?

If you hit rock bottom, try to sell this idea for food and booze.

Love,

kristen

aa

Dear tom,

Not only does American Apparel carry the same acronym as Alcoholics Anonymous but the people who can be categorized by either group may look relatively the same. Nobody loves unretouched and awkwardly shaped models like the artsy. Nothing is more unique (and thus more hip) than a really ugly person! Nowadays, you don't even have to settle for looking strange but you can procure all the strange clothes you need to accent your "goodies" in just one place. The things you can buy there are comparable to the things that Value Village turns away when they filter clothes. And then they come in all sorts of retarded colours like metallic paisley, vomit chrome or foil print.



















I'm pretty sure the swine flu scare isn't about the influenza at all but that it's actually about the horrible fashion choices sweeping the nation. Swine clothes and people who wear them are retarded.

Love,

kristen

ps! http://www.wikihow.com/Look-Like-an-American-Apparel-Model

two types of people

Dear tom,

Look at this cleverness I found:

"There are two groups of people in the world;
those who believe that the world can be
divided into two groups of people,
and those who don't. "

I hoped you got vertigo and goosebumps !

Love,

kristen

soy-zombie

Dear tom,

Did you know vegan zombies eat other vegans?

Love,

kristen